If we are going to be anxious AND ride anyway it can help to have the “right” stuff. Any other old NKOTB fans singing in their head right now? No, just me? Okay.
Now I realize the term “right” is incredibly loaded and subjective. What I think is “right” is definitely not going to be in line with what every other rider thinks is “right”. These are merely my suggestions on things that can help you to challenge your riding anxiety.
This list comes from my professional knowledge and experience with anxiety, as well as my personal knowledge and experience in combating my own riding anxiety.
The Right Stuff (oh, oh, ohhh ohhhh the right stuff)
- The Right Self-Talk
Yes I went for the deep stuff first!!!!!! How we talk to ourselves impacts almost everything. I say almost to be safe, but I really struggle to think of anything that isn’t impacted by self-talk.
If you constantly talk to yourself like you are a garbage human you are going to feel like a garbage human. It’s as simple as that. Be aware of what you are saying in the moments you feel most anxious, this will give you an idea of what you need to challenge and reframe.
Likely there is some room for and. You can make this space by acknowledging the negative, as you likely already are focusing on during times of worry, and also shedding light and paying attention to the positive in that moment. Not always easy but it is effective.
Always take a look at your self-talk, we aren’t always aware of it but we are always affected by it.
- The Right Self-Care
I’m about to sound like your Mom here; are you sleeping? Are you eating? Are you drinking water? Are you exercising? Are you spending time with friends?
Seriously though, are you? When we are busy and stressed the first thing we chuck off our plate is self-care. Real talk, when we are busy and stressed the LAST thing we should stop doing is practicing self-care. How are we supposed to handle all that crap if we are hungry, tired and lonely??? We aren’t going to handle it well, that’s how.
Be sure you are practicing self-care and attending to your own wellness. This looks different for everyone but the basics are sleep, food, hydration and socialization. There’s A LOT more to it than that, but that’s a whole topic in itself.
- The Right Trainer
I don’t know about you but I don’t like to be yelled at. Despite this I was yelled at A LOT by my trainers growing up. Maybe it was motivating? I remember being worried but thinking I shouldn’t be. I remember jumping a lot of things I wasn’t comfortable with. I remember not always enjoying riding.
Granted I’m older now and yelling at me is not a wise life choice, but I didn’t see that working for me then and it sure won’t work for me now. My current trainer doesn’t yell, she’s encouraging and could find a glittering nugget of positivity in a steaming pile of horse poop. This is right for me. This may not be right for you.
Now don’t get me wrong, she gives me feedback and would probably like to duct tape my hands to my reins most days. (I’m not the most skilled at keeping my hands closed and my reins even, sue me.) But she finds balance with an atta’girl and a “shorten your reins’ ‘. This is right for me.
I also know I can give myself permission to not jump something and she will understand. That’s not to say she won’t encourage me to do it later when the worry passes, but she will validate my experience and help me work through it. She “therapists” the therapist and that’s EXACTLY what I need.
Make a list of your dream trainer and then work on finding them. It’s okay if every trainer you ride with isn’t your ideal trainer. You can learn something from everyone! That doesn’t mean they are going to be the one you stick with though and that’s okay. Don’t should on yourself and keep looking for a training situation that allows you to feel safe and comfortable.
- The Right Horse
Now, when I say the “right” horse I am not talking about the $50,000 horse that can do everything. If that’s a possibility for you, good for you, go for it! This is not the reality for most of us though and not what I am referring to.
The “right” horse is the one you feel safe on, the one that gives you cheese face and you can’t stop smiling when you think about them. The right horse will challenge you but won’t leave you feeling scared. The right horse is generally not the one you tell yourself you “should” want to ride.
Growing up I rode hot horses that terrified most people (it’s me, 35+ Jaime, I’m people). I was young, this was exciting and fun for me. Young Jaime was a total idiot according to Now Jaime, but at the time I was living my best life. That was the “right” horse for me then….. now in my late 30’s I realize I don’t bounce as well and that isn’t fun for me anymore.
While I now know this, I didn’t always feel it. What we know to be true and feel to be true are often at odds, but I digress. Coming back after breaking my leg (more like smashing it) I thought I should ride all the hot horses. That “should” left me with a lot of anxiety and a lot of avoidance behaviors when it was time to go to a lesson.
I was lucky to fall into a leasing situation with some dear friends of mine. I was able to feel like a badass because I was riding a 7 year old OTTB….. but he is a saint and was more than happy to take things as slow as I wanted. He was the right horse for me then and honestly a big part of the reason why I am still riding…. and writing.
Find the horse that is actually the right horse for you, not the one you think should be the right horse. It will make a world of difference.
- The Right Support System
Having the right support system for you is so, so important. Take a look at the people you surround yourself with. They will influence a lot of things, mainly how you think and feel. Yes, I know you’re an adult and so above peer pressure. Peer pressure and groupthink are very different things though. (Groupthink refers to the tendency to think or make decisions as a group in a way that doesn’t exactly encourage individuality. Doesn’t always happen, but it sure is a thing!)
Have you ever been around a friend, or friends, that left you feeling less than, not yourself or found that you were acting outside of your character when you were around them? Yup, me too. It’s hard to do this thing called life and NOT find yourself in a situation like that from time to time. Pay attention to those feelings, they are telling.
Now I’m not saying that you should only surround yourself with people who think and act exactly like you or to spend your time with a bunch of “yes men”. Differences can be amazing and energizing, that’s not what I’m talking about. I am saying to be careful of the company you keep.
For me, the right support network involves people who will call me on my shit and support me through it. They are NOT going to tell me that my hunter hands look great…. But they also won’t shame me about it either. The right group of folks will lift you up and help you to be your best self. They won’t highlight all your shortcomings and talk nonstop about everyone else’s too. Those are a few of the things that are on my “great support network” wishlist. What’s on yours?
- The Right Therapist
Having a therapist can be incredibly helpful. If you feel that your anxiety is impacting your functioning not only as an equestrian but in other life areas, find a therapist. You aren’t alone so why go at it alone???
Psychologytoday.com is a great tool to use. It’s like therapist Facebook, you can see a picture of them, read their bios, read about their approaches to therapy, check out what insurances they accept etc.
There are wonderful self-help tools out there, as well as literature you can read, though a therapist will be able to help you figure out exactly what you need and tailor all these skills specifically to you.
To Sum it Up
When you feel safe the real work can begin. Having the right tools and support can make all the difference. Speak well to yourself, take care of yourself, train with someone who is a good fit, ride a horse that makes you feel 10 years old again, have a positive support network and always make sure you’re getting the help you need. You deserve it.
Enjoy your ride my friends.
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