Change is scary. Even when it’s for the better. Oftentimes we believe that if things have always been a certain way, if we have always done things a certain way, if we have always wanted something that’s how it will stay. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this, but let me say it again, it’s never too late to change your course.
We can always change our direction, our course, our narrative. We want change, we crave change but WOW it’s hard. But why, why does it have to be so damn difficult.
Personally, I think that there is a fear that if we change our minds we will be admitting that we were wrong, we made a mistake in choosing the first path, if we turn back now that means we failed. I know, scary stuff. Though, what if none of that is true? What if the first path was a good choice AND changing our course is a good choice. Yes, I know, that’s a lot to digest.
Now, we all know change is inevitable. We are constantly learning and growing, it is unrealistic to assume that our paths will remain constant, our perspectives will remain unchanged. It is okay to change your mind, try new things, set new goals.
I used to say “I don’t show”. My horse show experiences in the past weren’t very positive and I didn’t always enjoy doing it. I was hell bent on NEVER doing it again. My narrative surrounding showing was that it would make me feel less than and create a great deal of anxiety. Then I started going to events to watch friends, it seemed fun. Riders were enjoying themselves. I saw so many people with permanent cheese face after running cross country with their amazing horses. I wanted to try it, but I was the “never going to show girl”. If I was wrong about showing, was I wrong about other things I felt passionate about? If I did a horse show, who the heck would I be?
The answer is quite simple, I’d be Jaime. I’m me regardless of whether my narrative stays the same or changes. I get to decide what my story is and what my path is. Realistically, we all need to check in with our thoughts and beliefs regularly, but that’s a topic for another day.
Now the fact that I’m showing and eventing does NOT negate the fact that I didn’t enjoy it in the past and wanted to move away from what I was doing. It doesn’t invalidate my past experiences. It shows my ability to make different choices, open myself up to new possibilities and not get stuck in all or nothing thinking.
For those of you just joining us, all or nothing thinking is what it sounds like. When we are thinking in these terms there are a lot of absolutes. It’s very difficult to see alternate options, or paths if you will. It’s saying things like; “either I clean the whole house or don’t clean at all”. “I’m a success or I’m a failure”. There is so much that happens in between these extremes. Life is in the gray area and we can start small and work toward big. All or nothing thinking is “normal”, we all do it, though it doesn’t work in real life. There is rarely ever just one right answer….. Unless you’re doing math and anyone who knows me knows I am most likely never talking about math.
How often do you find yourself falling into all or nothing thinking? How often do you want to change your path but don’t know exactly where to start or what is holding you back?
If you answered “a lot”, you are NOT alone my friend. We all do it, but the hard part is working toward change. Challenging the idea that we are “wrong” or giving up if we change our course.
It is NEVER too late to learn, to grow, to change. You can decide not to do something and then decide you want to. You can decide you want to try something and then decide that it isn’t for you. You can set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it and want more. You can always want something, get it and then realize that maybe it wasn’t what you actually wanted all along. This is part of living, learning and growing. It is never too late to change your course.
Enjoy your ride my friends.
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