Courage is doing the thing and not doing the thing. You can celebrate doing something and celebrate NOT doing something. I realize that may sound REALLY contradictory, though when you think about it, is it really?
Saying no and focusing on your own self-care, your boundaries, your needs, can be even more of an accomplishment than pushing yourself to do something because you feel as if you should. Quit shoulding on yourself, I assure you that isn’t the way to success OR fulfillment.
Let’s unpack this.
Saying no is hard. While you’ve likely heard the statement, “no is a full sentence” it doesn’t always make saying no any easier. No is a very small word with some very large barriers. Somewhere, a misconception was formed leading us all to believe that you are only brave if you say yes. While saying no all the time can be limiting, I believe the same can be said for saying yes all the time.
Enter the small and powerful word “and”.
You can be brave, courageous even, when you say yes AND when you say no. I apply this concept in a lot of areas of my own life and often encourage my clients to do the same. One large area I apply this to is riding.
I want to be the brave rider that barrels toward huge cross country fences without fear in my heart or potential pee in my pants. I’m not. I realize most riders aren’t fearless, though I think a lot of us believe that they are.
Practicing courage means being true to yourself. This at times will mean that you push yourself to do something outside of your comfort zone. At other times it will mean that you don’t step outside of your comfort zone because you built that comfort zone for a reason. You set a boundary around that zone and staying inside it is what keeps you safe, healthy even.
There is no clear cut answer to this. There is no “you are brave if you do this thing” nor is there a “you lack courage if you don’t do this”. This subjectivity can be freeing but also can be scary as hell. How do you know if you are doing the right thing if there is no right thing?!?
While we know all or nothing thinking doesn’t work, it sure is a lot simpler. No one can tell you what to do but you. You know yourself, you know what you need, even if you rarely listen to that little voice. I like to call her my inner genius. Get curious, ask yourself what you need and then start giving it to yourself.
Sounds easy right? It isn’t, but boy is it worth it.
I’ll give you an example of what I’ve found to give me courage. It was through a lot of trial and error and it may change as I age like a fine wine. For now I give myself full permission, at any time, to not do things.
What this looks like on a show day is me telling myself that if at any point I want to stop, I can. If it’s in the middle of a dressage test and I don’t feel comfortable continuing, I stop, wave and walk out. If it’s in the middle of a show jumping course, I trot my happy butt out of there with a smile on my face and a high five in my heart because I’m honoring myself. On the cross country course? You guessed it, I pull up and ask a friendly jump judge for the quickest way to blow that popsicle stand. If I don’t want to keep doing the thing, I will stop doing the thing.
But Jaime, they’re all going to laugh at you! No inner critic, this isn’t Carrie and if they want to laugh, let them. If they laugh at my courage they clearly aren’t my people anyway. This is me being courageous and no one is going to tell me otherwise.
In all fairness, I have not done any of those things….. Yet. Knowing the choice is always available to me and that I am brave either way has allowed me to do the things. So far, I have really enjoyed doing the things, however, if that changes I will honor myself by doing what is right for me, no one else.
Find out what makes you courageous and do it. Or don’t do it. The choice is yours.
Enjoy your ride my friends.
Advanced Beginnings 