I was talking with a wonderful friend of mine the other day, a friend who doesn’t ride, and casually mentioned the term “riding anxiety”. Her response was genuine, but incredibly interesting to me.
“Wait….. People feel anxious about riding horses and then….. Ride horses?”
Her shock and confusion was so genuine, refreshing….. and concerning all at the same time. The concerning part came because my immediate reaction was so not in line with what I often tell myself.
I told her that of course people who ride horses feel anxious about riding from time to time. I mean we sit on thousand pound animals with minds of their own and pretend that we are in control. That’s a little coo coo for cocoa puffs if you think about it.
Though, I had to ask myself, how many times have you told yourself you shouldn’t feel anxious when you ride Jaime?
We think that we are supposed to feel like badasses at all times, never feeling anxious or uncertain. I mean, I certainly tell myself I shouldn’t be anxious and that there must be something wrong if I do. I should feel confident at all times and never be scared….right? It’s incredibly realistic to think that I grew up riding Hunters and after a few months of venturing into Eventing I should be ready to do cross country at the highest height I ever did as a Hunter, right?
Wrong. All of these shoulds are wrong, wrong, wrong.
So, why do we should on ourselves?
If you ask me, I think we do it as a motivation tool. A really broken, stupid, useless tool, you know like those “wrenches” that come with IKEA furniture. We tell ourselves “you shouldn’t feel anxious, you should relax”. That will totally make me relax. Probably not. We are trying to help ourselves, trying to shift our thinking. Sometimes this can be helpful, though it generally results in us not only feeling anxious but also feeling guilty about feeling anxious.
How To Get Rid of This Should
- Accept It
Yes, I’m aware this sounds bananas. You would think that if you accept the fact that you feel anxious it would make you feel more anxious. The opposite actually tends to happen. If you give yourself permission to feel anxious you can begin to work through it. Spoiler Alert: You already feel anxious. Accepting that this is how you are feeling in the moment can actually feel quite validating, give it ago.
- Validate It
You guessed it, more wild ideas. Accepting that you’re feeling anxious can feel validating, so lean in. What this might sound like is something like “Of course you feel anxious, you are jumping a horse. It’s okay, you can feel anxious about it”. Phew! You took that layer of guilt away, you also took some power away from the anxiety. When we don’t fight anxiety it gets a little quieter, it becomes more manageable.
- Cope With It
This is a loaded one, I know. Taking care of yourself when you’re anxious is so important. This can look like reframe your should, positive self-talk, breathing, distraction, talking about it etc. The last thing you want to do though is sit in your should. Marinating in negative self-talk and unrealistic expectations is NEVER a good idea.
- Make Room for And
You can feel anxious and ride. I’m sure you do this often, though you likely focus on how you shouldn’t feel that way and then pick on yourself for it. It’s easy to fall into “see everything was fine, why can’t I just calm down???” Thinking. Allowing yourself to feel anxious and to give yourself credit for still riding can help to decrease your anxiety. This allows space for both the negative and the positive, they are both with you on your ride anyway, they might as well be invited guests.
To Sum it Up
Always remember, our shoulds and our anxiety are powerful but we are not powerless. You are in control of where your thoughts take you, whether you feel like you are or not. Allow yourself some space to accept, validate, cope and some seemingly opposite things. And for the love of baby horses, stop shoulding on yourself!
Enjoy your ride my friends.
Advanced Beginnings 